London Lanes

London is a city of rain, rushing humans and an alarming number of pigeons that I was strictly forbidden to hunt. It is also a place with soft beds, interesting windowsills and many warm laps in cold weather. As a professional travel cat, I have mixed feelings. As a professional napper, I approve.

Arrival

We arrived in London after a long flight that I did not enjoy. The humans said things like “We are finally here” and “This is so exciting.” I said nothing. I stared at them through the carrier door and communicated pure disappointment.

Outside the airport the air was cold and smelled like wet pavement and coffee. I fluffed up to twice my normal size. This was not a choice. It was survival.

Accommodation

Our London hideout was a small flat with squeaky floors and a large window. From the window I could watch

• Pigeons strutting like they owned the street

• People in coats walking very quickly

• Red buses that looked like moving scratching posts

Sometimes an older man and woman appeared on the opposite balcony with their tea. They had that calm, gentle look that humans get when they could easily be called Clive and Elaine. They watched the street, I watched them and the pigeons, and nobody admitted that anything important was happening.

The sofa was soft and immediately became my base of operations. I left fur on every cushion. I tested every blanket. The humans said I looked comfortable. I was not comfortable. I was conducting research.

Sightseeing

The humans did something they called sightseeing. This involved

• Leaving me behind

• Returning later with photos

They spoke about

• Big Ben

• The Thames

• Bridges

• A giant wheel that nobody seemed to chase

I inspected their photos on the phone. I concluded that the best view in London was still the one from the window where the pigeons lived.

Walks and Windowsills

On quieter days the humans carried me to the window and pointed things out.

“Look at the pretty street” they said.I looked at one specific pigeon.“Look at the architecture” they said.I looked at a leaf blowing in circles.

They did not understand that I was focused on important things.

Food

The humans tried many different foods. Fish and chips, curries, pastries, things in little paper bags. I smelled everything. I was officially offered nothing.

Unofficially I received

• One crumb of fish

• A small flake of pastry

• A suspicious look from every waiter who saw me in the carrier

British tap water was adequate. I drank it dramatically to show I had survived great hardship.

Weather

London weather is like a cat. It changes its mind very often.

One moment there was weak sunlight on the windowsill. I stretched out and closed my eyes. The next moment the sky turned grey and the rain started again. I sat up, offended, and glared at the clouds. The clouds did not apologise.

However, rain on the window made good sounds for sleeping. I fell asleep many times while pretending to keep watch.

Human Behaviour

In London my humans walked faster than usual. They came back to the flat with tired feet and bright faces. They drank hot drinks and talked about how much they liked the city. Then they fell onto the sofa and used me as a small black heater.

I allowed this. In exchange I kneaded their legs and purred at maximum volume. This is a fair trade agreement.

Final Thoughts

London is busy, noisy and sometimes very wet. It also has excellent windows, warm laps and many chances to judge pigeons from a safe distance. I would visit again for the naps, the blankets and the look on my humans’ faces when they come back from the cold and find me waiting.

If you are a cat who enjoys observation, this city is perfect. If you are a cat who hates rain, bring extra fluff.